Hello, I'm super tired right now but I feel like writing. I just finished a test today so yesterday night was a sleepless night. Oh ya, not forget to mention I have a presentation tomorrow. fml I'm having academic marathon.
Well, speaking of friends, I'm kinda anti-social and emotional recently and I think this is due to certain personal reasons of mine. From the bottom of my heart, I really love my friends alot,alot. at the same time I doubt do they love me as well? What would they think about me? They like me or not? These questions always come up in my mind.
I'm not bluffing, I'm that kind of person that would undoubtedly lend my helping hands to my friends if they need my help.I know I'm oversensitive and overreacting. One friend of mine(A) always like my another friend(B)'s updates but not mine. The point is I personally think that A and I knew each other so much longer than B and I believe our relationship is better than B. I really don't understand why could this happen. I know, a 'like' might mean nothings to you but to me, a 'like' is a support and as a caring as well. This hurts me a lot.... seriously.....
Another case is one friend of mine(C) likes to tag people in her status.We have known each other for 10 years plus but when she tags people, she always left me out. Once again, I don't understand....Is it because I less mingle with you or what? My another friend (D) even realized C's action is so unfair to me. Fyi, I didn't speak this issue to D, D told E then E told me.I was really angry but now I could not be bothered anymore.
Moreover, I'm weird, when my friends mingle with another gang, I jealous and don't feel like to mingle with them anymore. =.=" Seriously I have no idea why would I feel in this way. When I see my friends posted photos of them with another gang of friends, I hate it. So much hate it. Thinking about the moment we were being together, we seemed taking really less photos, last time was on my birthday? I really don't feel like mingle with them anymore... I know this is stupid.
I still remembered on the fist day of my university life, I was really energetic to know new friends. But then I found many of them were not as friendly as I thought so I just left it like that. My friends and I are in different course, sometimes when forming groups for the purpose of assignment, I always feel momo and I are being left out or repelled by others. Actually it's not in the way that I felt, we have friends but all are in different course and timetable, but whenever I see others in gang, this thought popped up in my minds. :(
When I was little, I took part in so many various competitions inside my school and also outside and performances as well, I think this made so proud of myself and my friends jealous and hate me.So basically I got really few friends when I was in primary school. People tends to spread rumors and bully me. I'm not kidding, some of them locked me in the toilet by blocking the toilet doors with buckets. Seriously you have no idea what I had went through when I was a kid and this causes me become a very sensitive person.
That is why I become extremely careful when I mingle with my friends. I afraid of I made something wrong and they hate it then left me. My mom tells me that
a sincere friend that know you well is more than enough, that's what you need. My mom tells me ever since I was little and I believe it now. All I want is someone who will stay, no matter how hard it is to be with me and I appreciate that I found one. Because of you, I'm not alone. Thank you ,guagua ,I love you.
